


took all my fears (and wrapped them in wonder)

by Leocht (mayibetriumphant)



Series: A little lie and a bigger hurt [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Rebels, Star Wars: Shatterpoint - Matthew Stover, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: +therapy before he becomes a mass murderer, F/M, Gen, He shouldn't have just had Anakin tossed at him ok, also this is gonna sort of be slow burn but also not bc im impatient, and Anakin needs some TLC
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-01
Updated: 2019-06-01
Packaged: 2020-04-05 20:24:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19047748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mayibetriumphant/pseuds/Leocht
Summary: The Council's acceptance of Obi-Wan's plans to train Anakin comes with some caveats.





	took all my fears (and wrapped them in wonder)

“No.”  
“ _No?_ ”  
“We cannot allow you to train the boy.” Mace is actually regretful. Anakin isn’t a bad kid, and Kenobi has potential, but the combination of his volatility and Anakin’s vulnerability could be toxic. It’s better that if the boy must be trained, that it not be by him. That fact will hurt Obi-Wan, though.  
“I made a promise!” Obi-Wan’s hand tightens on Anakin’s shoulder.  
“The ink on your Knighting certification hasn’t dried, Kenobi. Frankly, the Council doesn’t believe that you should be left in charge of the boy just yet.”  
“My master made me swear--”  
“Masters, if I may make a suggestion?” Depa’s tone is light, almost casual, and it puts a damper on his anger for a moment.  
“Speak, you may, Master Billaba.”  
It still rankles Obi-Wan that he’s barely a Knight, and she’s already a full member of the Council. They were close once, but grew apart when he began to lag behind in his training, and she excelled beyond him.

Anakin doesn’t mind her. She’s a little scary, but she seems like she could be nice if he talked to her, like Master Windu. He snuck him a hard candy when Obi-Wan wasn’t looking. His silence is partly fear, and partly because he doesn’t want to let on that he’s got food in the Council Room.  
“The majority of the Council does not believe that Knight Kenobi is capable of meeting the boy’s needs. And I agree with Master Windu--the boy is too old to be--”  
“Come on, Depa--”  
“I am _speaking_. As I was saying, Anakin is far too old to be trained traditionally. Based upon his testing, he would be placed in classes with three and four year old younglings.” Remedial classes simply don’t exist for such basics.  
“...I don’t want to be in the baby class. You weren’t going to put me there, were you?”  
Obi-Wan flounders for a moment, his cheeks burning. “I...hadn’t gotten there yet.” He hasn’t gotten anywhere, yet. The past month has been a complete blur for him. Nine year olds need an insane amount of attention. If he was even a fraction as needy at twelve, it’s no wonder Qui-Gon didn’t want to deal with him.

“Of course not.” Depa says coolly. “Anakin is too old, and Kenobi is clearly not prepared for the amount of remediation the boy needs and therapy they both require so soon after the tragedy on Naboo.”  
“Questioning his ability, are you?” Yoda asks.  
Mace listens without saying a word. He knows she wouldn’t throw Kenobi of all people under the bus for a shot at even more fame with the Chosen One.  
“His current capability, rather. My suggestion is that for the time being, the duty of his training be split.”  
“And who are you _suggesting_ take him from me?”  
“You would do well not to speak of him as property, Obi-Wan.” He might not be able to feel it through his own anger, but Anakin reacted palpably in the Force to his words. It makes sense. He’s only weeks out of slavery, and hardly knows his new ‘master’. “You know as well as everyone here that you cannot take care of anyone else, much _less_ a child before you deal with yourself. I on the other hand, am a qualified educator and Jedi Master. I can take over young Skywalker’s training for the time being, while you take time to process Qui-Gon’s death.”  
Obi-Wan catches Depa clenching her teeth to keep from chewing her lip in the pause before Shaak Ti speaks.  
“I think it’s a solid idea. It hasn’t been done in years, but this is a special case, no?”  
“I don’t wanna be any trouble.” Anakin mumbles.  
“And you won’t be, _beta_.” Depa soothes. “Masters?”  
Mace clamps down on a surge of pride, but his old student feels it nonetheless. “All in favor?”  
Eleven hands go up.  
“What do you think about that, Anakin?”  
“I…” He doesn’t want to be in the little kids’ classes, but he also doesn’t want to just ditch Obi-Wan. He can tell his feelings are very hurt. “Do I have to pick between you?”  
“No. Most Initiates don’t choose a master until they’re thirteen years old. I only intend to get you on track with the rest of your agemates.”  
“Do I have to move?”  
“Do you want to?”  
“...no.” It’s comforting, being there. He may not know Obi-Wan _well_ , but he knows him more than anyone else.  
“Then you don’t have to. Are you alright with the Council’s decision?”  
“Yeah, I think so. I mean--yes, ma’am.”  
“Then it’s settled.”  
“Adjourned, this session is if nothing to say, Knight Kenobi has.”  
He grits his teeth. “No. I do not.”

“I’ll send your curriculum to Obi-Wan by the end of the week.”

Anakin dips his head. “Thank you.”

* * *

 

It’s quiet in the gardens when Anakin finds his way to Master Billaba’s hiding place the next Firstday.    
“You could’ve told me where you wanted to meet.”   
“I could have.” She makes no other move to acknowledge him from her meditative position.   
“Then why didn’t you?”   
She pats the grass beside her. “So many questions! Can I ask you one too?”   
Anakin pouts. It was only one! “I guess. I mean--yes, Master Billaba.”   
She cracks one eye open. “You don’t like calling me that.”

“I--it’s what everyone calls older Jedi, right?”   
“Older? I’m younger than Obi-Wan.”   
“Okay.” His mother taught him to never question a woman on their age. He hasn’t asked Obi-Wan’s either, but he can’t be more than sixteen. He’s just going to accept it.   
“Would you like to call me something else? I believe that would make our time easier.”   
The boy squirms until he mimics her position. “I’m not allowed to call adults by their first names at home. I--” He hurriedly wipes his eyes.   
Master Billaba lowers herself to the ground. He hadn’t noticed she was floating just a tiny bit. “Anakin.”

“‘M sorry. I know I’m not supposed to, but I miss my mom. And the Temple is supposed to be my home, but I don’t even know anyone, and it’s cold and the food is weird, and--”   
Depa takes his hands in hers. “That’s alright. If you didn’t miss your mother, I might have reason to be concerned. I can only assume what you’ve been told about attachment, but a Jedi is meant to be compassionate.”

Anakin sobs quietly and remembers how his mother never scolded him too harshly for splitting his meals with small animals he tried to hide from her until he could release them safely. Her gentle hands when she cleaned another split lip or eyebrow from scrapping with someone in defense of another kid.   
“You’re a good boy, Anakin. And you are a child in my care before you are the Chosen One. If we don’t start Aurebesh today, you won’t be in trouble. Would you rather get to know each other and visit the creche later on?”   
“Y-you said you had a curriculum...I don’t wanna mess anything up.”   
“The worst thing that could possibly happen is Master Yoda getting so angry he bites off my ears.”

Anakin snorts. “He can’t do that!”   
Billaba’s expression is deadly serious. “I’ve seen him do it. And every time, his own ears get longer.”   
She smiles when he bursts into giggles. “That’s so mean! He can’t help having floppy ears.”

“Let’s just not tell him we didn’t start work today, alright? Just in case I’m telling the truth.”   
“I promise, Master.” Anakin cringes. “Sorry.”   
Her smile turns sad, and she wipes his face. “Come, I think Knight Unduli’s clan is at lunch right now. Have you eaten?”   
“Obi-Wan made breakfast, but I could eat more.”   
That, she knows isn’t because he’s being starved--the both of them must eat through a bantha’s share of food every week.

“And then we have until 1800 hours before I need to turn you over to him for saber training.” It was part of their training agreement, which he was none too happy to agree to at all. She hopes his mind healing session is going alright.   
“Don’t lose that bit of you, Anakin. Being a good man, is better than being a powerful man.”   
“But if you’re a powerful man, you can do a lot of good.”   
“Some do, but most don’t. A Jedi does not crave such things. If it falls to you, rise to the occasion, but remember that it can be dangerous to seek it.”   
Anakin nods solemnly. “A path to the Dark Side.”   
“Such as it is, yes. Now, I know a few younglings I think you’ll get along with just fine.”

 

* * *

 

Anakin is practically vibrating with happiness when Depa brings him back to the training salles. Obi-Wan very curtly acknowledges her presence before turning to the boy. 

“How was your day?”   
“It was great! I got to eat lunch with some other kids, and Barriss and Ferus and Tru say they’ll be friends with me.”   
“That’s great. And your lessons?”   
Depa puts a finger to her smiling lips when Anakin turns as if to ask for approval. “Fine. I learned a whole lot, but now I’m ready for the swords.”

“Fantastic.”   
“I have other duties to attend to, but I enjoyed our time together, young Skywalker.” The older woman moves to bow to him at the same time he goes for a hug.

Obi-Wan winces audibly, and the cleaning droid even stops in place at the smack. Depa, bull-headed as she is barely reacts, but Obi-Wan senses an instant shift in Anakin.She laughs and pats his head. “We’ll see each other tomorrow. Take care, you two.”  
To his credit, Anakin doesn’t burst into tears until after the older man kneels to check his bruise. “I d-didn’t mean to!”  
“I know, Anakin. Do you see any floaters? Can you count my fingers?”

“She’s not gonna come back and you’re gonna get me taken away! And you have three!”   
“Is that what she’s told you?”   
“No! But I know it, and I don’t wanna be on the street here!”   
“Gracious, Anakin. That won’t happen.”   
“B-but...I hit her.”   
“On accident. If she were truly upset, you would know. Trust me. She’s had much worse, anyway. You think she’s quite elegant, don’t you?”   
“Mm.”   
“Well, what if I told you she once jumped off a waterfall on a dare and knocked herself unconscious on impact with the water below?”   
Anakin gapes. That sounds painful.   
Obi-Wan knocks on his head with his knuckles. “See? Even your thick skull won’t hurt her, so quit crying and get a trainer.”

He starts to get one from the rack, but pauses. “Obi-Wan, how old are you?”   
“Twenty-five in two months. Why?”   
“...huh?”   
“Why?”   
“No reason. I just thought you were younger.”   
“Because I was still an apprentice?”   
“Will you be mad if I say why?”   
“If it’s a foolish reason, maybe.”   
“You look kinda like a baby,” the boy sniffs. Obi-Wan hates how perpetually runny his nose is. “You should try growing a beard, because if you look older, people respect you.” He personally can’t wait to be older than nine. Nobody respects you when you have a baby face.   
“Are you saying people don’t respect me?”   
“... _ I _ respect you.” He can’t quite tell if he’s actually upset. Sometimes he’s all over the place with his emotions and it’s so weird. He used to never have to sift through people’s emotions like this. The Temple gets overwhelming sometimes because of it.

It’s heartwarming and breaking all at once. What has he actually done to earn his respect? “Thank you. Just because you said that, I’ll go easy on you this time.”   
Anakin groans, his earlier tears forgotten. “You say that every time!”   
“You won’t know if I actually mean it this time if you don’t get your tail on the mat.”   
“Of course, Master.”   
“You can call me Obi, if you must.” Obi-Wan says, remembering Depa’s earlier scolding. Not that she gets a say in how he deals with him.   
“Is Obi- _ Wan _ okay? My mom says calling adults by their nicknames can be rude.”   
“Sure, fine. Now, feet shoulder width apart and bend at the knees.”   
“Horse position.”   
“Correct.”   
“Are you and Miss Deepika friends?”   
“...once, and of a sort.”   
“Why aren’t you anymore?”   
“It’s a long story, quite unrelated to your forms.”   
“You’re not going to tell me then?”   
“Nope.”   
“Alright.” He’ll find out. “You aren’t gonna fight over me, are you?”   
“You’ll know who to choose when the time is right.”   
“I guess. When can I get a real lightsaber?”   
“When you stop wobbling in this position. And  _ also  _ when the time is right.”

“...she said I could have one in a month.”   
“I still say no.”   
Anakin shrugs. It was worth a shot anyway.


End file.
